I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
