Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
