How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
