This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
