You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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