so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
