Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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