I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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