Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize