from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
