your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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