I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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