My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
