Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
