Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
