I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
