I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
