i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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