Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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