can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
