Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
