If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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