a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
