i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
