i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
