I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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