My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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