I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
