you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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