you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
