You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
