Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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