Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season