it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dating After Heartbreak
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.