Texts From Last Night

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  (863): View more from Florida

  I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.

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  (863): I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm. http://tfl.nu/3uu7
  Replies (27) Good night (2191) Bad night (711)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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  (405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u
  Replies (10) Good night (3876) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

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  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (5126) Bad night (2407)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her

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  (612): I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her http://tfl.nu/lmu7
  Replies (10) Good night (3840) Bad night (1435)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me

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  (703): i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me http://tfl.nu/57r1
  Replies (1) Good night (2139) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward

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  (732): Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward http://tfl.nu/ic98
  Replies (6) Good night (2352) Bad night (1965)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

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  (484): you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans http://tfl.nu/5hx4
  Replies (7) Good night (3248) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5378) Bad night (2174)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I stole a fireplace last night.

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  (201): I stole a fireplace last night. http://tfl.nu/uv7e
  Replies (15) Good night (2491) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.

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  (775): Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital. http://tfl.nu/63us
  Replies (0) Good night (646) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life

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  (228): I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life http://tfl.nu/miua
  Replies (6) Good night (540) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I immediately regret the tequila decision.

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  (248): I immediately regret the tequila decision. http://tfl.nu/ptpj
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.

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  (330): I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life. http://tfl.nu/iw6t
  Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight

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  (703): its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight http://tfl.nu/7hxm
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.

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  (801): Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight. http://tfl.nu/r4nr
  Replies (5) Good night (351) Bad night (736)

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