Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.

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(586): View more from Michigan

She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(802): View more from Vermont

What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"

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(915): View more from Texas

Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again

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