Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

should I fuck that poor girl

(1-770): View more from Georgia

no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion

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(770): should I fuck that poor girl (1-770): no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion http://tfl.nu/i8cj

Replies (30) Good night (770) Bad night (4833)
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(410): View more from Maryland

remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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(410): remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that. http://tfl.nu/awcg

Replies (21) Good night (3971) Bad night (1230)
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(260): View more from Indiana

He went soft

(631): View more from New York

Wait. During?

(260): View more from Indiana

Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

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(260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb

Replies (99) Good night (930) Bad night (15963)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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(617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg

Replies (21) Good night (1104) Bad night (5465)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

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(217): Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights http://tfl.nu/27p8

Replies (21) Good night (3070) Bad night (2451)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.

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(403): his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly. http://tfl.nu/boxe

Replies (7) Good night (4100) Bad night (828)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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(502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7

Replies (13) Good night (4336) Bad night (1309)
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(630): View more from Illinois

The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

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(630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time.... http://tfl.nu/q5xm

Replies (5) Good night (3071) Bad night (1398)
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(561): View more from Florida

I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.

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(561): I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this. http://tfl.nu/o8j2

Replies (6) Good night (2259) Bad night (1395)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.

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(+61): Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon. http://tfl.nu/pw6n

Replies (9) Good night (1993) Bad night (590)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.

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(814): The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge. http://tfl.nu/3qou

Replies (6) Good night (3207) Bad night (730)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive

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(804): Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive http://tfl.nu/45br

Replies (9) Good night (2029) Bad night (641)
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(563): View more from Iowa

The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.

(1-563): View more from Iowa

I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.

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(563): The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers. (1-563): I desperately wanted to wear your shirt. http://tfl.nu/ni9x

Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (382)
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(818): View more from California

The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.

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(818): The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink. http://tfl.nu/7x1a

Replies (2) Good night (299) Bad night (695)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can give you five reasons its your baby

(978): View more from Massachusetts

and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.

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(508): I can give you five reasons its your baby (978): and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl. http://tfl.nu/cjus

Replies (5) Good night (1205) Bad night (463)

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