i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time