I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.