I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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