It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
