I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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