he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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