You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
