Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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