It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
