I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
