I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
