Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
