You really coming over, don't trick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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