i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
