I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
