I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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