i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
