You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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