how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
