i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
