shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
