i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
