I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
