I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
