I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
