I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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