i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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